Monday, March 27, 2006
The Greatest Getting Some (Try The Adlibs)
Goat got laid last night, and he's worried he caught something. He got really drunk and emotional and decided as a social experiment, he'd hit on women in awkward locations. All day he'd been whining about his ex, and finally he got drunk and cracked. Well, he drove about a half block and scored with the second woman he'd seen. Experiment over.
The first one was an old haggard lady that knicked his car door with a rock when Goat "hollard". I asked him not to (I was riding on top of course), but he proceeded to say one of the most crass things a dog has ever spoken to a woman before. Whatever you just imagined it was he said, is it exactly. (Adlib 1)
The lucky lady at the bus stop was a big one. She could have been a not-so-distant cousin of mine. She had on the worlds poofiest coat which looked like bubble tape wrapped around a baby sperm whale, all squeezed into one of those bus stop shelters. Goat rolled down his window again. It wasn't as bad to her because he used his best material on the hag earlier, but it still might make your mom cry.(Adlib 2). The fat girl stared back wide eyed, and turned around. I thought she was going to cry, but instead she pulled her pants down to her ankles and began jumping. Plate tectonics come to mind. Tremors... everywhere. Goat lost his mind.
He ran out of the car and scooted the huge bouncing, rippling ball of sex freakazoid she apparently was, into the back of the van. Laughing maniacally, he raced the half block back and scooted her this time into his shitty apartment. I just stayed on top of the van until he came out minutes later. He asked me for twenty bucks, and he was making those dog throw up noises when he went back inside.
Today he says he feels "funny", and wants to see the vet, but is ashamed. Me and Ming Krosky didn't let up on him at all about it today in the cage. Krosky is the king of caps (Adlib 3). Goat left cussing us out...it was really hilarious.
Mojokong the Laugher
with guest appearance,
Ming Krosky the Pointer