X-Live!

Almost sounds pornographic doesn't it? Yet that's close to what this year's Super Bowl looks like; XLIV.

I think Roman numerals are cool with low numbers, but when 38 becomes XXXVIII, or 44 is XLIV, it gets a little silly.

It seems obvious that the NFL stuck with the system to emphasize the magnitude of the event, not unlike World Wars. It also adds to the gladiator motif that football marketers insist is the way to go---the first Super Bowl was played in a place called the Coliseum after all.

Now that so many have been played, however, the Roman numerals are annoying, especially when reading about a variety of former Super Bowls. Converting the numbers needlessly slows me down and at some point, it seems pretentious.

I realize this just sounds like another lazy American unwilling to take the time and energy to actually learn something new like Roman numeral conversion, and while that isn't entirely accurate, it's close enough to disarm me of any decent comebacks, but c'mon! We don't speak that way; it would take forever to spit out 38 (“ecks, ecks, ecks, vee, eye, eye, eye”), and our brains aren't programmed to rapidly handle anything over 12 really. Sure, we can take a few seconds and figure it out, but when you're reading, you don't want to stop the flow and do some math. Those are two distinct brain hemispheres that don't always work well simultaneously, at least not for me.

Therefore, anything written by the feathered plume of Mojokong (did I just go fourth person?), will, in the best interest of you, the gentle reader, ignore the the Roman numeral system in regards to past Super Bowls and will do what typically scares most Americans: go completely Arabic.

So here's to Super Bowl 44; may the 45th (as opposed to the “ecks, el, veeth”), be wrapped in Bengal stripes.

[A hearty cheer, glasses raised, clink, drinks all around.]

Mojokongus Tyranusis Rex---has spoken.

NFL Squabbles Could Lead to UFL Success
B. Clifton Burke

While the negotiations between the NFL and its players over a new collective bargaining agreement continue to stall and worry its fans, a new football league, the United Football League, is quietly building momentum and could stand to gain a swell of attention should the NFL owners lockout their players in 2011.
 
The general attitude toward the NFL's future beyond next season is as bleak as the Mayan calendar.  The owners claim the players haven't made a serious counter-proposal to their original offer.  The players say ownership isn't listening to their demands.  They have met 11 times with little progress of any kind and the possibility of a work-stoppage grows.  
 
The main sticking point is the amount of team revenue that must go to player salaries.  The NFLPA wants that percentage to stay at 60; the owners want it down to 42.  The thinking is that 51 percent of team revenue earmarked for player salaries could end the impasse and allow the games to continue uninterrupted.  It remains likely, however, that serious negotiations will not heat up until closer to the March 5, 2011 deadline. Until then, expect both sides to do their fair share of posturing for the public's support.  
 
If the NFL is unable to make a deal on time, and if there are no games played on the first Sunday after Labor Day, then many fans could very well tune in on Thursday and Friday nights to watch the UFL instead.  
 
The landscape of the UFL as it enters its second season will look much different from the “premier” season of a year ago.  Two existing teams will change locations---The California Redwoods (based in San Francisco) move to Sacramento and will change its name, and the New York Sentinels will go to Hartford, Connecticut.  The league also said it will expand by two more teams in 2010, bringing the league total to six.  
 
The two new sites have not yet been made official, but UFL Commissioner Michael Huyghue announced that either Omaha, Portland, or Salt Lake City would be selected for one of the expansion spots.  Other cities rumored as possibilities to land the second team include San Antonio, Memphis, and Los Angeles.  
 
With more teams, the season will grow to 10 weeks, beginning in September and ending on Thanksgiving Day.  UFL games will be aired on Mark Cuban's cable network Versus for the upcoming season, but the league has not announced a television deal in place beyond that.  
 
The UFL is taking some unorthodox methods to ensure its survival.  Unlike start-up leagues in the past where one or two owners outspend the rest of the teams and ultimately kill the whole operation, the UFL has hired one person, Rick Mueller, to perform as general manager for all four teams as a way to properly allocate its resource of talent.  
 
That talent is more impressive than one might first imagine.  There are many players and coaches with NFL experience, and a majority of the UFL front-office personnel also worked with the NFL in the past.  Each roster includes a handful of reputable players that football fans will recognize, and last year's four head coaches were Jim Haslett, Jim Fassel, Dennis Green and Ted Cottrell; not bad.
 
Fassel led his team, the Las Vegas Locomotives, to the league's first championship with the help of the game's MVP, running back DeDe Dorsey.
 
Dorsey, who was released by the Cincinnati Bengals, found a roster spot on the Locos and went on to average 6.4 yards a carry and five touchdowns on the season, tops in each category.  
 
“[The UFL] was a fun experience,” Dorsey said.  “the league has some hall-of-fame caliber coaches, it's some quality football being played there and I think it will stay around for a while.”
 
Dorsey said it is possible that NFL players could be interested in playing in the UFL should they be locked out in 2011.
 
“I could see it,” Dorsey said.  “It would be a good way for guys not to stay idle.  It's a chance to stay in shape and play good football.”
 
In 2008, the NFLPA instructed player agents to consider the UFL as a viable option for their clients.  Commissioner Huyghue told agents that his league would compete with the NFL for players drafted in the third to seventh rounds in the NFL Draft, and has since seen UFL rosters filled with many players formerly on NFL practice squads.  Even veterans like Simeon Rice and Dexter Jackson have made their way to the new league.  
 
No matter how big the name, though, none of these guys were rich last year.  
 
The UFL paid a league-average of $35,000 to each player, with quarterbacks making a little more and punters and kickers making a little less; miniscule next to that of the NFL league-minimum of around $300,000.  What attracts many players to the UFL, however, is not only a chance to play and stay in football shape, but also the fact that the league offers free housing to its players during the season equipped with what it claims 'first-rate facilities'.
 
“It helps,” Dorsey said of the housing program.  “Not having to worry about something like that makes it easier, and I think that is something else that will help this league improve.”
 
Mueller, the UFL's general manager, said in an interview with Pro Football Weekly last November that clubs will gain more autonomy as the league expands and becomes more established, but that a firm and equal salary base is important for the league to control costs.
 
Game rules were also somewhat unusual in 2009 in that they were designed to assist the quarterback.  Defenses must always use four defensive linemen and can only blitz one additional player.  This rule was set up to allow inexperienced quarterbacks to become more comfortable facing pro-style defenses and to ensure the QB's health.  It is said that this rule will be eliminated in the upcoming season, though the UFL has not yet made such an announcement.  
 
Like the rules, the cities where the teams play and the league's unsightly uniforms worn a year ago, there are many scheduled changes that will improve the UFL next year and beyond.  Dorsey sees the league as a work-in-progress too, but is encouraged about its future.  
 
“Whenever you're working from the ground up, you're going to face some trials, but [the UFL] is making strides and is only getting better.” he said.
 
If DeDe is right, the NFL has another big reason to end its squabbling and get a deal done soon.  Otherwise, the UFL may get more of our viewership, more of our favorite players and ultimately more of our money; all things the NFL has worked hard to corner in the past 50 years.  
 
As the AAFL and the AFL have proven in the past, the NFL, at times, can be effectively challenged; I believe this could be one of those times.  If there is an NFL lockout in 2011, I certainly hope that is the case.

Haiti

An earthquake of all things---a damn fault line right under the world's poorest place. Of course, of course. Not even humans can be this cruel. Yet, like everything, I suppose, humans are Nature's byproduct, so in turn, not only can humans be that cruel, they are designed to do so.

A pessimistic outlook, I concur, but it's hard to think of it in other ways when something as shitty as this flops upon the news stand.

As a kid, Haiti was probably the poorest country I could recognize and only because a friend of the family had traveled there and he told me it was poor. “The poorest,” he said. So now, when I read that the Right Wing is concerned about their various military campaigns being sidetracked by the efforts to restore life to the poorest of people, it darkens the spirit of humanity.

People will always show their true selves in moral crossroads. The fierce Libertarian ethos of “leave me and my money out of your problems” is maddening in a situation like this.

Yet what am I doing about it? Texting Haiti to 90999 and feeling satisfied with myself? If I really believed in these words I would be standing in Haiti with a tool in my hand, complaining about my back and feeling really desperate for a beer. Instead, not only am I comfortably ranting on my laptop drinking a beer that is realistically more expensive than my lifestyle should allow, but drinking it out of a glass no less.

Perhaps the unreasonable fruitcakes that are overtly selfish are actually better people than the ones who agree that it sucks, then pretend they kind of want to get involved but never lift a finger, and eventually completely forget that it even happened eight months later. I still don't think that's true; mainly because I don't want to get grouped behind the Right Wing on the shittiest-demographic-during-a-crises list.

Still, Haiti has had it rough. Out of the Caribbean, it is the one place you don't want to visit. Every other place is known for its still very serious poverty but also its fun. Haiti is known for its dirt, and I only know that because of the first Fugees album.

And now they get clobbered with an earthquake. Just them; the nation it shares an island with, the Dominican Republic, was somehow not effected. I have miniscule to zero knowledge behind the science of seismology or epicenters, but, if nothing else, it seems giving Haiti an earthquake is like taking the New Jersey Nets' draft pick; there's no fairness involved.

That's the thing about this weird planet and this weird existence; it whimsically continues. As Nature's lead creation, we like to assume we have this life thing under control, and for the most part that's certainly the case, but every now and then something comes along that unexpectedly changes things and we're reminded of who's house this is.

I don't mean to say God, though you can take it like that if you're inclined to, but plate tectonics, for instance, is a hell of a thing. There's science that we seem to understand regarding how it all works, but we still don't have a very good handle about predicting when all that groaning and stretching takes place. The rub of it all, is the major damage it always invokes. There are forces on Earth that, from this day, seem uncontrollable and impossible to fully understand or predict, and these unknowns are as natural as mankind or any old tree.

What we can do about it all is instead of boosting up Haiti to return to its daily misery, we can work to make it a less shitty place to live by instituting social change that promotes sharing and a value on humanity rather than competing and a value on capitol---you knew this would turn into socialist rhetoric at some point.

Good luck, Haiti; may you survive better than before.


Mojokong---Internationally renown.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Knee Deep in Gossip and Fleece
I've recently relocated to another part of the zoo and I now share a cage with the acclaimed Basilgrey. I settled on a particularly sunny area so I can work on my ashy complexion. That, and Basil needs his reading light. The cage is pretty comfortable. It smells okay for now, and the area is quieter than the ape house I lived in previously, but there is one concern.

Basil is a goat and a damn sharp one at that. He 's been at the zoo for a long time and has seen just about everything within it's walls. He previously lived in the area with the other caribou and sheep and gazelles and such, before they moved him in with me. The sheep love him and constantly follow him around. When he made the move to the new cage, many of the sheep trailed closely behind.

Now it should be known that I have no problems with sheep. Through Basil, I've even made friends with a few. He is a sort of unofficial leader to them, and often enjoys his role. They hang out by the cage all the time, even when Basil is away, and I admit that it's better than sitting by myself most times. It's apparently unusual for sheep to socialize at all with bipedal species or anything outside of the ovis genus in general, but they've really taken to me and I've been told I should be grateful. The problem is they wont go away.
They baagh their woolly heads off about who's mating who, about who's fleece is the best, and about how certain sheep don't deserve to be anywhere near the front of the flock. It's ridiculous. They might as well be chickens.

I, like Basil, am the only one of my kind here at the zoo. He's somewhat anatomically similar to the sheep which allows him to rub hooves with them fairly easily. I on the other hand am more of a novelty to them and slip into the token ape role. That's not so bad, but an orangutan has dreams too, and this ape gets a little tired of counting sheep every night before I get there.

I miss my primates, especially ol' Ming Krosky. He would tell me that I'm wasting my time around sheep. He's never been a sheep fan. He would smack me for even complaining about such a thing. "You're a big fucking ape," he'd say. "If somethings bothering you, fix it. Who's gonna stop you? A bunch of worthless bah bah's?" He's a cantankerous old cuss, but he's right. If Goat (the little dog I used to hang out with, not Basil the actual goat) were here, he'd ramble on about how sheep are nothing compared to the evils of the hood rat bitches he loses his mind over. He's always one to top a complaint with some gut wrenching tale of his own. I haven't heard from Goat since he was taken to the pound on a drunken driving charge. He smashed his van around a telephone pole on a bender one evening after chasing a young chicken head around the back streets of Price Hill. He claims she was cheating on him when they really didn't have any established relationship to begin with. It's too bad to. I could really use a good night out on the town. Away from all these damn sheep

Thursday, July 27, 2006

A Mammoth Waste of Time

South Korean scientists admitted to trying to clone a woolly fucking mammoth yesterday! They acquired mammoth DNA from a glacier in Antarctica and tried to clone one in three attempts but failed each time. Now I'm all for stem cell research, but I'm not sure cloning extinct species is a good idea for anyone. Wasn't Jurassic Park featured in Korean movie theaters? Earth seems to have a very finicky ecosystem, and re-introducing an animal that didn't make it the first go around all that well is just asking for trouble. Then again, what more could we humans possibly do to screw up this lemon of a planet even more than we already have?

I could see a mammoth being cloned and hate life from day one. For starters, it's woolly. Our planet is warming. Why bring back an animal that sweats a lot, and wears a thick coat everywhere? It's like those homeless guys in the ghetto all wrapped up in an old puffy Charlotte Hornets parka in the middle of July. Who needs it? Then there's likely birth defects to deal with because lets face it, we mortals can't crank out good old nature like the Big Guy Upstairs Corporation can....yet. Pfizer and Merck have been negotiating purchasing some possible trade secrets with BGU Corp., but the bartering of souls have proven to be a tricky legal process. The mammoth would probably be blind and smell awful too. It would feel the need to spit all the time and the weird enzymes in it's saliva would cure any bird flu threat because it would immediately kill off every bird on the planet. Then the cloners would need to do dinosaurs again in hopes of a quick evolution into more birds. Rather counterproductive if you ask me.

They might clone mammoths and then realize they cant be killed. Tar pits would be developed throughout the US in hopes that the mammoths will happen into them, but gruesome reports of pet and child accidents will ruin that suggestion as well. They could potentially serve as useful mountain guides but remember they're blind and the tours would take upwards of months to finish.

Eventually, once the sheer usefulness of a mammoth became apparent, it would be subjected to being the worlds most popular gag gift and become a species of humiliation and low self esteem. They would be dropped off at bachelor parties and going-away events with messages actually pinned into the thick skin of the beast that read "Like marriage, this too is your problem now." Modern elephants would rally for the euthanization of all cloned mammoths for fear of being replaced at their jobs. "No dumbass mammoth can do what we do. I don't care how cheap you can get 'em. Go ahead there Woolly, balance your hairy ass on that ball there. I don't think so," said one angry elephant at a nearby rally. "I say put all of these test tube debacles out of their misery."

Surly their could be a cooler extinct animal we could clone. How about those little hobbit like people who lived on the island of Flora like 10,000 years ago? They weren't midgets per se, but they were close enough to them to remain funny, and if we cloned them then maybe it would be morally justifiable to hunt them. That would be good cable TV viewing.

MK- Clone me, and suffer the circumstances

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Bread Crumbs pt.2

Is Israel being a bully? It sure seems that way when they destroy civilian infrastructure and claim that's what a country does when one or two of their troops are kidnapped. But we really don't know what it's like over there. Innocent, non-combatant folks from both sides are blown to smithereens regularly going about their daily business . The reports we get are difficult to discern any quality opinion from. It's a sprinkling of information of quotes and numbers from spokespersons, and intelligence officials who are the least trustworthy of all sources.

I've read there are 9000 Palestinian prisoners in Israel. Since the conflict isn't termed as a war, these prisoners are not prisoners of war, and therefore can be handled, interrogated, ect, outside of Geneva convention and any other globally agreed upon, but largely ignored humanitarian laws. The US and little bro Israel have made it clear they're above any of that shit anyway. When Kofi Annan yells at us for being tortuous nation builders, the Bush administration responds by sending linebacker Ray Lewis to the Hague to thump his chest and yell, "We must protect this house!!!"

Kofi and everyone else there, shits themselves and calls it a day. That's how we negotiate so well in these trying times. "We must protect this house!!!"

What's an Arab to think these days? If your from a poor family and in the way of US/Israel interest you have to stick it out and hope for the best. All around the middle east, today, as we speak, American weaponry is blowing shit up. That'd make an Arab think that America wants to at least control his land, and he'd probably resent it.

It's like the US is a mall developer, and they really want a super giant mall in the middle east, but the middle eastern countries are a little strip of small mom-n-pop stores who have been there for years and don't want a mall there. The mall developers try to be nice at first and offer something lame for their "inconvenience" and get progressively tougher as necessary. Eventually uniformed men and bulldozers physically make the mom-n-pops leave and a mall is constructed. Mom-n-pops get jobs at Wal-Mart and Home Depot and take to drinking the harder stuff and experimenting with meth. In no time spirits are broken, televisions are turned on, and people everywhere get fatter. The mall does okay for a couple of decades before going bankrupt and being converted into a trucking school. The area becomes popular for strippers, crack distributors, and graffiti artists. The mall developers move on to the next town and do it again and again The end.

Hezbollah's and Hamas' tactics have been inexcusable for ever. We westerners feel they should fight a military battle to oppose occupation of their land and not terrorize the civilian innocent. But they can't organize an army without Israel vaporizing every soldier before they can even tie up their combat boots. Not to mention they're not legally allowed to obtain weapons from other countries. Israel has a blank check from the US for weapons. It's like those cheesy action movies, where the guy is about to go on some dangerous mission and stops over to his weapon buddy's house and gets to pick out what he needs from a secret room in the basement loaded with guns and rockets and shit. It's just like that.

So Hezbollah acquires some missiles and just randomly fires them as deep into cities as possible. It seems like a waste of military resource, but they cant really damage strategic military targets within Israel. The Islamic fighters are simply over-matched, so the just try and wreak havoc in any form. I'm not condoning it, but I see their struggle to find a morally just military alternative. That can be easily misconstrued so please don't think I support or condone terrorism in anyway.

It's also interesting how Israel has responded harder to abductions of a handful of soldiers than to marketplace bombings that have occurred for years. It's the shadowy motives of world leaders and the timing of key decisions they make I cant get a handle on. How should we interpret these actions we read about? What's really going on?



MK- We must protect his house!!!

Monday, July 10, 2006

I emerge from under the rubble. *

I think mosquitoes like me more because I drink good beer. The things you ingest in life are worth the most money. After all, you're only allowed to bring one pair of shoes to the afterlife. Mine will be basketball shoes. Probably Air Force Ones. Though I could see the advantages of basic flops too. Especially with all the nice swimming pools and beaches just waiting to be jumped in. You're not gonna want to untie big ass basketball shoes every time. I'm changing my answer to flops. It being an afterlife, we can probably play barefoot anyway.



What an amazing game futbol is. The whole world cup tournament was time well spent watching television. Their command of the ball is insane. And the running, and running, and running... One things for sure, the US isn't good enough at the sport to be the only ones to call is "soccer". A Brit first called it that, and England still calls it football. I propose we as a nation, refer to our football as Madden and to soccer as football. Old timers would gripe their old wrinkled faces off, but the kids would get it. And the next generation would make an easy transition. The NML it's one letter difference, what's the big deal? Now I admit that calling the actual ball a maddenball sounds too ridiculous, so there's a few kinks to iron out still, but that's nothing really. Watching players like Zadane, Cristiano Ronaldo, Toni, and all of them, showed me why the world loves this sport. I've become a big time fan.



You ever hear of "tennis elbow"? It doesn't sound like much of an injury, but that shit is for real. With all my injuries, I sometimes wonder if my body was constructed with leftover parts . "We got a big pile of scrap over there, why don't we just use that stuff for the next one?" I'm going to a chiropractor this week to be told I'll soon need a cane and a new spine. I'm gonna be one of those old timers who takes like 120 seconds to get on the bus and then another 48 seconds to get my money out, pay, and find a seat. Lately, I've felt mentally crotchety too. These young whipper snappers and their outlandish public behavior these days. Sometimes it takes all my restraint not to lecture some of the real prize winning ghettoness I see regularly. But a smart ape knows his place, and a crowded bus aint one of em.

Mojokong- Looking out through the thin bars.

* Title is a quote from KRS-1. All legal rights reserved.

Friday, July 07, 2006

My Early Book Review

Early Book Review

I'll finish my novel in October and I expect it to be rejected, ridiculed, and even spit on. It will not be great or even very good. I imagine no more than four people will read it and they will only do so because they're friends.

It wont sell. In fact, Ill have to pay for it to be read by a small-time editor who will make notes on the book, throw the book away, and tell me how much I suck.

Hundreds of years after my death, a social phenomenon will sweep the literary world, motivating readers to dig up crappy books and marvel at their crappiness. My novel will be born again and new generations will find new ways to tell me I suck. Financial proceeds of any book sales will never go to any surviving relative of mine. Instead it will appear in the accounting journals of a global corporation who owns everything ever written. They'll have a special division of crappy writing where my picture will hang above the entrances to the buildings. They may even name the division "The B. Clifford Burke Division of Poor Literary Skill" in honor of my immense lack of talent, which future critics will hail as timeless. Of course, my name isn't Clifford, but that detail will be washed over during my own lifetime. What does the true name of a bad writer matter to anyone anyway?

Perhaps my book will be used in my lifetime, but not for reading, of course. Discount stores in small rural towns will collect and reproduce thousands of copies and advertise them as "cheap kindling". The paper weight industry will pounce on the commercial value my book presents, calling it a "perfect weight to keep papers in place." Babies will become potty trained with it, the homeless will construct shanty towns out of copies of the book, and even dogs will be allowed to relieve some nervous energy by chewing it to bits.

It will be a complete literary embarrassment to which books will be written on how not to write a story. It will be compared to such failures as Communism and the Hindenberg. In churches, sermons will be given to exemplify how my book is whats wrong with America. School children will be shown how to safely burn it. Couples will wear matching t-shirts about it. One will say I'm with stupid with an arrow pointing to the other shirt which will have a picture of the cover on the front.

It will become the most reproduced piece of writing in the universe, yet only four people will read it. Those four wont remain my friends for long and will demand some type of retribution for having spent time on such a pointless activity. I will be court ordered to sell my gull bladder in order to financially settle the four pending law suits filed against me. The operation will kill me and the doctors will install a copy of my book inside my body where my gull bladder once lived. They'll explain later how it proved to be a good fit to make it appear that I had died of natural causes, hoping to avoid a lawsuit of their own. By the time this information will have surfaced, there will be no surviving family members to pursue any legal action on my behalf anyhow. I will be buried in a modest grave whos headstone will say this: B. Clifford Burke - A waste of time, ink, and now earth.

Friday, May 19, 2006

This here's mine.

I feel it's time to weigh in on the immigration issue. I see it in two words, "manifest destiny". It's not just the US either, pick up a NY Times and every article that mentions immigration (and there's lots of them), all take place in an Anglo-Saxon origin country. White people. They don't wanna share. Here, the whites in power know they can't kick out the black folks, because of obvious reasons (slavery). And they've done a pretty good job at breaking the spirit of the precious few Native Americans left. But it's different when minorities were not forced to come here. Those types are not gonna ruin things even further for the white man who has killed so many to establish this here America. Not on their watch. France is crapping their pants about the Muslim wave sweeping through much of western Europe. Laws in France have been passed that allow the govt. to base immigration on a value basis. "What can Brown do for me?", they ask. Dutch immigration officials are throwing out a Somali-born legislator for lying on her application seven years ago, even though she admitted to the mistakes publicly when being nominated into Parliament. England's getting tougher, Germany's getting tougher. Expect Canada to make noise about it soon (new p.m. Stephen Harper is more conservative than most recent Canadian leaders). White men in power historically have been, and will continue to be, hell bent on taking then keeping other people's lands. Enough of that.

Military contractors have been commissioned to provide materials and technologies for border protection. We know about the warm and fuzzy relationship between Republicans and the weapons makers.

Congressional elections are fast approaching, and the Republicans need a response to a whole bunch of ugly shit. War, oil, bribery, privacy invasion, debt, inner-city collapse, emergency response, global outlook, that kinda ugly shit. Immigration isn't a new phenomena, it just blew up because Team Bush needs some leg to stand on. Board meeting notes in oval office; "Fuck it. Let's just do the Mexicans."

The world continues to shift as urgency over things like land, oil, and water continue to shrink. Capitalism is taking on more of a protective approach than the traditional "take yo shit" form we grew up with. A restlessness smolders everywhere, with a cautious eye toward tomorrow and an occasional glance at the clouds in wonder of the unstoppable ecological change headed to theater near you. Currency value is bouncing all over the place, and the smallest world event in the news papers tilts every market more and more everyday. Too many humans. Stay tuned.

Mojokong in May

Friday, May 12, 2006

To the Nukaks chillin up in the brush.

An Amazonian tribe called the Nukak, emerged from the brush recently in Colombia, ready to assimilate into the "real world". They were forced out of their habitat by the fierce civil war happening in Colombia, and were told there would be trouble for them if they stayed. Humanitarian aid groups have fed and sheltered the Nukak since they've arrived, and say they're a happy, peaceful people. The Nukak are flabbergasted that other people would just hand food over to them for free. They still return to the brush to hunt little tree monkeys, which they consider their favorite delicacy. They've had no exposure to the common viruses we breathe often, and even a common cold would probably kill them. They are unaware of their countries name, and would be horrified to discover it's in tribute to one of the worst people in history. They have never heard of Earth, or God. A similar tribe emerged from the brush some months ago, and now do nothing but wait for aid groups to feed them. They don't work, don't migrate, don't farm. They hang out. Human nature at it's most raw. Hand outs are easy gettin' used to. The Nukak says (via interpreter) they want land with water, nuts, and monkeys. How many stories start out with a tribe, group, family, sect, wanting their own little piece of land with the basics of survival? And how many of them end in sadness, and violence? The Nukak is gonna have to fight someday, probably for their land with water, nuts, and monkeys. They'll learn about guns the hard way. Disease my not give them a chance for even that.

It's hard to remember that all of the planet and it's people lived like that, thousands of years ago. Strictly based on location they've been able to carry on the ancient way of life. Now they get to see how we fuck everything up. They get to learn about ideas that will add stress and regret to their lives. Money. How great their lives will be when viewed in monetary worth. Before, in their minds, their individual identities were obliviously sufficient. Now they're given a new measuring stick to gauge how well they've done in their existence. Money.

THe final thought on the Nukak is that of "the clean slate" idea. When a baby is born in the amazon it's understanding of the world is the same as you or me, right? First things we learn are language, and how to get food. Then we learn to what were exposed to. What is shown to us, what is told to us. When were young we all look up to learn. An American baby looks up the same way an Amazonian baby looks up. They both see their parents, and base who they become off what they see. Point is, man made principles we've determined as truths are not natural, and therefore can't be true.

* I strongly oppose, and condone in no way, the hunting of, and especially the eating of monkeys of any kind.

MK - The ape with the cape

Monday, May 01, 2006

Stork Hunting

I don't think I've written about kids yet...so let's do that today.

Do want 'em? Do you see yourself as a parent? For those that already are parents, how is it?

* Don't worry, there are no future apes on the way.

When I dream of having children, I see me playing in a comfortable yard with my kids on a clear sunset in autumn, laughing. Not on the verge of a nervous breakdown from sleep deprivation and constant loudness, while your kid won't stop puking/crapping all over everything. I think many times, more than we'd like to think, people allow themselves to buy into the grandiose version of being parents instead of allowing themselves to be jarred by some harsh reality. I did it with my dog. I love him, but I shouldn't have taken him when I did. Obviously, teens and other immature individuals, are the most likely culprits to the "better life" fantasy of having children, but right-minded, down-to-earth people can have these moments as well. Not to say this is always a bad thing, but it's not recommended unless your life is already pretty under control. The point is, I guess, is having children will rarely make living conditions more stable. So plan accordingly.

Another thing is the whole population issue (take this time to scoff and roll your eyes). Without getting into the drawbacks of overpopulation - which are fairly obvious - I just wanna remind everyone that the world is gonna get progressively uglier as we begin to run out of natural resources. Less means more.

It's important to acknowledge the instinct we all have to carry on our own genetic bloodline. I know men consider this a bit of a pride issue. Like they've fulfilled a duty that will carry on after they've died. I imagine the instinct in women is probably stronger, though I'm just assuming that. It should also be said that individuals instincts range from very strong to indifferent, to almost anti-children. But everyone has at least some of that instinct within them.

Alright, I've rambled long enough today.

Uncle Moj

Friday, April 28, 2006

Cininnatus the Microwave

Did you know?:

The Roman general Lucious Quinctius Cincinnatus, was a farmer his whole life except when the Romans were threatened by barbaric tribes. They would then call on Cincinnatus to lead Rome during tough battles. Rome would win the skirmish in sixteen days and he would then return to farming immediately. He feared for his family's farm during his call to duties and would only serve the Roman military when they absolutely needed him. Otherwise he was known as a regular citizen and a farmer. Like Vinnie Johnson off the bench.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Global Positioning Scam

Osama is not a real person. The "messages" we receive from him, are fabricated govt. attempts at scaring everyone a little bit more. Ever notice how when the news falls into a lull, Osama sends Aljazeera something threatening to the US? With our satelite technology and all the other Bond like inventions for finding people anywhere on Earth, certainly we could at least catch him outside making these video recordings every now and again. The US needs a boogieman and Osama is the perfect fit. I think he died a while back and they just keep perpetuating his image to frighten the common folk into agreeing with current foreign policy.

Hopefully big brother won't get all Ezra Pound on me for sharing these opinions to y'all. Then again, I already live in a cage.



Mojokong - "He brought a note from his doctor...it's a suicide bombing".

Saturday, April 22, 2006

Bonus Time

It was my father's birthday yesterday. He told me he felt he deserved to live to fifty. Anything after that is bonus. He's in his second year of bonus.

Happy Birthday - Bob Burke 4/21/1954

Friday, April 21, 2006

"And now they got me in a cell"

In the past ten days, Cincinnati police have carried out huge sweeps of arrests in the west end, and over-the-rhine area in response to the killings of two white kids from the suberbs trying to buy drugs. 527 arrests have been made in the "clean-up" effort, and police have issued fines for things like jaywalking and spitting.

The claim is that drugs have saturated our inner cities and the easiest way to remedy that problem is by locking up anybody with an unpaid moving violation, and boarding up another thousand or so buildings rotting away in the ghetto.

A couple of things to think about here.

We all know many black folks have been shot and killed over drugs. Most of us shrug over such crime. "If they wanta kill themselves off over drugs, let em." But the moment a white teen from the burbs is killed, city council loses their shit, and orders a Nazi sweep over the entire inner-city ("your papers!"). White life seems obviously more valuable than any other skin tone, check your history. It's not about drugs at all. The police and city officails see these murders as a reason to improve the living conditions and escalate property value in neighborhoods where developers are trying to lure wealthier (mostly white) young urban proffesionals. That's right...yuppies. Check the west end. The new condos built there are not for the former residents of the Lynn st. projects. No sir. Those people have been pushed into Price Hill to make way for the yups.

The same in OTR. The city NEEDS more entrepeneurs to take the risk and open up in the hood to bring new money into the area. That's fine, nothing wrong with that. But the only way to make people feel comfortable to shop there is by removing the undesireable demographic that constantly hangs outside. There not going anywhere on their own so police give them a good reason to flee. "Move out or I'll arrest you". CIncinnati knows it's image is circling the drain and they can see a future like that of Flint, Mich., so they'll do whatever it takes to stay afloat, including arresting your inner city ass for sitting on a milk crate that doesn't belong to you.

The other thing to think about is how "good" this looks for a police force who's image might be the worst in the US. They need better PR to allow the migration of yuppies back into the hood. It's a show of force that says "see, we got this. They can't riot again if they're all in jail. We run this shit. Move into these neighborhoods. We'll keep you safe." Police chief Tom Stricher seems awfully Rumsfeldish to me. The buildings that are being boarded up are hoped to be converted into usable business space, which I'm all for. But the crackheads are gonna go somewhere right? If there are no crack houses to smoke and sleep in, what places will their desperation lead them to? My yard? Your car? Drugs won't leave the Nati all together (see blog entry: druggies), but the gustapo may push them out of OTR and West End. Bad news for Northside, Price Hill, Evandale, and the like. The crack zombies are coming.

Cincinnati is a racsist town, plain and simple. Black inner-city neighborhoods are used as zoos where social control dictates everyday life. The residents in these spots have the right to do what they're told or the right to be arrested. Largely, their futures are determined by city officails and police. And whatever place these folks get pushed into they should expect more of the same.

MK - A big chip on a big shoulder

Monday, April 03, 2006

This Message Brought to You Buy...

Yesterday I watched a local news report about the Iranian torpedoes and their hi-tech capabilities. I could hear the entire west side of Cincinnati ask their TV's in unison, "Can they reach the US?" Get to the fall out shelter you Bush-backers, but first donate to the Republican party, buy a bunch of overpriced shit for your "nesting" efforts, and sign your freedoms over to the federal government. Okay, now go be scared in your basements. Propaganda bullshit.

I'm sick of every "news" report telling me how scared I should be living my life. It's all social control methods that encourage us to behave in a particular fashion. "The terrorists want to change our way of life". Please, what the hell do we do to any country we ruthlessly invade? Wouldn't you say that we're changing their way of life? I'm way more scared of the neo-cons that run our own country than Osama or his homies. I'd rather die instantly by a WMD than spend my years in prison for expressing my dissenting opinion of our national foreign policy. Okay, that's a little extreme, but you see my point.

The media scares us when it's election time. They scare us when our economy needs a boost. They scare us when rallying support about an issue we otherwise would have no opinion on...like Iran. How many middle-class republicans are engaged in global politics? American high-school seniors have a hard time finding states in the US on the map, I doubt their all that familiar with real going-ons in the middle east. Yet once they're "informed", they get all fired up and are willing to send their kids to die for it. Suckers.

I'm gonna live life smiling the best I can. If my smile vanishes because of a biological weapon, a bird flu, or a prison sentence, at least I didn't stress my minutes away. Jack Atherton can go fuck himself, because he's not foolin' me. Read more news sources. Decide on your own.

Mojokong - "about to blow the fuck up..."

Monday, March 27, 2006

The Greatest Getting Some (Try The Adlibs)

Goat got laid last night, and he's worried he caught something. He got really drunk and emotional and decided as a social experiment, he'd hit on women in awkward locations. All day he'd been whining about his ex, and finally he got drunk and cracked. Well, he drove about a half block and scored with the second woman he'd seen. Experiment over.

The first one was an old haggard lady that knicked his car door with a rock when Goat "hollard". I asked him not to (I was riding on top of course), but he proceeded to say one of the most crass things a dog has ever spoken to a woman before. Whatever you just imagined it was he said, is it exactly. (Adlib 1)

The lucky lady at the bus stop was a big one. She could have been a not-so-distant cousin of mine. She had on the worlds poofiest coat which looked like bubble tape wrapped around a baby sperm whale, all squeezed into one of those bus stop shelters. Goat rolled down his window again. It wasn't as bad to her because he used his best material on the hag earlier, but it still might make your mom cry.(Adlib 2). The fat girl stared back wide eyed, and turned around. I thought she was going to cry, but instead she pulled her pants down to her ankles and began jumping. Plate tectonics come to mind. Tremors... everywhere. Goat lost his mind.

He ran out of the car and scooted the huge bouncing, rippling ball of sex freakazoid she apparently was, into the back of the van. Laughing maniacally, he raced the half block back and scooted her this time into his shitty apartment. I just stayed on top of the van until he came out minutes later. He asked me for twenty bucks, and he was making those dog throw up noises when he went back inside.

Today he says he feels "funny", and wants to see the vet, but is ashamed. Me and Ming Krosky didn't let up on him at all about it today in the cage. Krosky is the king of caps (Adlib 3). Goat left cussing us out...it was really hilarious.

Mojokong the Laugher

with guest appearance,

Ming Krosky the Pointer

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Empty Eye Sockets

I want non-sports fan to realize the magnitude of George "muthafuckin" Mason making it to the final four. It's like Iraq winning Desert Storm, or Ralph Nader pulling the upset for president. Mid-major schools are considered triumphant if they pull off a first round win. To beat the schools they have to make it all the way to Indy is unfathomable. Then again, their nickname is the Patriots and I love conspiracies...

Meanwhile, Mike Brown has talked about selling naming rights to the stadium "to keep up with larger market teams". I hope Larry Flint can scrounge up the money to name it "Hustler Dildo Stadium", or maybe "Cumshot Commons" or something. Mike Brown is a dooshbag.

MK - The MojoDome

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Grandma the Champ

My grandmother turned eighty today. Eighty! She has ten children, five boys - five girls. She has like twenty four grand kids. She's a beautiful lady in every way. She always has to share her time between everyone at functions like these, yet she's able to make everyone feel as if she'd been waiting for only them to show up.

Time with your family is important. It's hard or even impossible for a lot of folks, and that's too bad. Grandma's don't need much more than time with their loved ones. Ask an eighty year old woman what she wants for her birthday.

Imagine being eighty. You slow down. Your life slows down. You wake up earlier and go to bed sooner. You probably think about death, a lot. Your kids and grand kids move too fast. Their lives move too fast. It's difficult for them to slow it down enough to hang with you, especially the grand kids. You don't understand the world as well as you used to and it scares you. You nap regularly.You probably pet your dog more often, and find reasons to make phone calls/dinners.

I used to live next to an elderly woman whose husband had died a few years back. When she saw me anywhere near the porch she would talk my ear off. She would call me sometimes and tell me to come over and get the dinners she would make me . My girlfriend at the time would tease me about having an affair with an older woman. She was supremely lonely and often I appeased her with lengthy idle conversations, but sometimes I didn't have time to talk and I could tell how disappointed it made her. Of course I would feel bad and rationalize it out by thinking that she wasn't even a family member. But the real point is that getting old and dying happens. Sometimes alone like my neighbor.

My grandmother is a rose on the bush. Still strong, elegant, yet delicate. She has tremendous support from her family and blesses God everyday for it. Simply put, she's the shit.

Happy Birthday! Margaret Burke March 18, 1926

Mojokong - one of many

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Take This Blog and Shove It. (Sports Rants)
Category: Sports

Final Four: UConn, Boston College, Memphis, Texas.

UConn over Texas.

Sleeper: Mich. St.

Cindarella: Wisco Mil, Iona

M.V.P.: Craig Smith B.C.

NFL

Arizona will not have the best offense next year. Edge is cool, wide outs are great, but Old Man Warner is still throwin' it.

Indy may feel the loss of James more than they think. (Bengals immediately match up better with the Colts).

Dexter Jackson is a solid upgrade at safety. Reports have the Bengals waiting to sign Sam Adams, and ESPN reports Arrington might be on our radar as a DE. Add a good draft (TE, CB, DT, OT) and our D is a legitimate top 10.

Cleveland is handling their business in FA. B-more is not. Steelers have been quiet (I guess you don't change much to a championship team).

Miami should win the AFC East with Daunte. Nick Saban seems to be a good one. Jets need more certainty before they improve. Do the Bills have a coach yet? Pats are aging.

Who will the saints draft now? Not Leinart. Ferguson or trade the pick. Leinart should go to Titans. Norm Chow is there, and he could sit and watch McNair the first year. Who wants to try the Aaron Brooks experiment? He'd be the top back up in the league, but somebody like the Raiders will give him a try (suckers).

Giants helped out themselves with Madison, but I still think they need LB's. Arrington may be on their radar too. Washington spends a lot. Archuletta got overpaid. Keyshawn still has some good catches across the middle in him. Why sign Matt Shoebel for five years to sit behind LJ Smith?

Rams improved with Glover, Chavious, Witherspoon. They could win that sorry division next year (sorry Hawks). Alex Smith had better show me something this year or he gets the "flop" brand. I was never impressed. Antonio Bryant can get open, but can't catch.

AFC West has been very quiet. TO to Denver. I hate shanahan but he gets it done. He looks like a Bush.

Kitna might do well in Detroit. Too bad he needs like three years in an offense to feel comfortable. Solid QB's are so precious. Aaron Rodgers is soft. Green Bay stinks. If I were Javon Walker, I'd want out too. What's a rich, young black guy gonna do in Green Bay when the team sucks? It's like the T-Wolves trying to attract FA's. It's cold and too white.

NBA

Spurs shouldn't be allowed to have Finley, Barry, Van Exal, G Robinson, all on their bench! Phoenix without Amare, or Dallas can't beat them. Detroit is just a cool team. Hard workers, grunts, good team chemistry, thorny defense, and Sheed is the recipe to success. Spurs still win in the finals.

Shaq is fading. Wade is spectacular. Paul Pierce needs a new team. The Knicks are a mess. The Bulls need size, but they're a fun team. Bogut is a very nice prospect. LeBron is feeling the pressure of a superstar. Is he even 21 yet? Melo has a bad attitude, and is not smart (snitches?!). Dirk is the ultimate reg. season player. Artest is better than you want to admit. the whole league needs more true centers. How can they just die out from our generation?

Baseball sucks (sorry Isaac). I'll get into that another day.

Mojokong- The Primate Prognosticator