X-Live!

Almost sounds pornographic doesn't it? Yet that's close to what this year's Super Bowl looks like; XLIV.

I think Roman numerals are cool with low numbers, but when 38 becomes XXXVIII, or 44 is XLIV, it gets a little silly.

It seems obvious that the NFL stuck with the system to emphasize the magnitude of the event, not unlike World Wars. It also adds to the gladiator motif that football marketers insist is the way to go---the first Super Bowl was played in a place called the Coliseum after all.

Now that so many have been played, however, the Roman numerals are annoying, especially when reading about a variety of former Super Bowls. Converting the numbers needlessly slows me down and at some point, it seems pretentious.

I realize this just sounds like another lazy American unwilling to take the time and energy to actually learn something new like Roman numeral conversion, and while that isn't entirely accurate, it's close enough to disarm me of any decent comebacks, but c'mon! We don't speak that way; it would take forever to spit out 38 (“ecks, ecks, ecks, vee, eye, eye, eye”), and our brains aren't programmed to rapidly handle anything over 12 really. Sure, we can take a few seconds and figure it out, but when you're reading, you don't want to stop the flow and do some math. Those are two distinct brain hemispheres that don't always work well simultaneously, at least not for me.

Therefore, anything written by the feathered plume of Mojokong (did I just go fourth person?), will, in the best interest of you, the gentle reader, ignore the the Roman numeral system in regards to past Super Bowls and will do what typically scares most Americans: go completely Arabic.

So here's to Super Bowl 44; may the 45th (as opposed to the “ecks, el, veeth”), be wrapped in Bengal stripes.

[A hearty cheer, glasses raised, clink, drinks all around.]

Mojokongus Tyranusis Rex---has spoken.